life is really... just this weird weird journey
posted by gaynedoe @ 5/25/2006 12:24:00 AM
1 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
tired
this week has been extremely exhausting. and its only tuesday. can u imagine tmr and thursday? i'll be dead beat! gosh i dunno. this week is gonna be pretty fun cuz there's gonna be a OG8 gathering! yipee! but the prep work is gonna be mad! gag! nvm that. cant wait for thursday to be over. i'll be one hellava relaxed person! hahaha.
till the nest entry.
gayne
till the nest entry.
gayne
posted by gaynedoe @ 5/09/2006 11:26:00 PM
0 comments
Saturday, May 06, 2006
relieved.
haha. life has been great so far. and i finally decided to be a councillor. i may not know whats installed for me, surely i'll have my days when i'm exhausted. there'll be days where i regret having been in council, but i know i'll have my days where i'll be ignited with passion for this school, i'll wanna fight for change. and maybe it'll be a motivation to work hard. and i'll miss lessons... especially during the june holidays. but nvm. i will have faith that i can pull through. i pray for strength.
posted by gaynedoe @ 5/06/2006 09:18:00 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Find rest.
ahhs. the last few weeks of school has been exhausting. as usual i guess. haha.
anyways, i really think that God's been so gracious to me. every morning i feel exhausted but he just gives me strength. and i have friends whom i can really talk to. though i find myself being morally stretched more often than not. but i shall still be thankful for those moments i find the bit of real joy, something beyond description.
today during chinese lesson, we were suppose to write about the 3 things that just worry us to bits. and i think out of faith and allowing vulnerability to be at the teacher's palms, i bared my heart and soul in that little assignment. why i did it? i felt like every once in awhile, we need to make other and let others help us to realise we're all human we equal pains, success, joys and hurdles to overcome. sometimes, i think we forget to look around and realise that the world is so full of pain that all the sinful behaviour becomes an outlet. i've come to realise this just the other day. just a few weeks back, i spoke to one of my friends, she told me her parents are divorced. yesterday i spoke to another friend, her parents are also divorced, today i spoke to another friend, her parents are... also divorced. and the link, they're all in my clique. i felt so disappointed in myself. i failed to show them God's love. and all this while, i was too consumed in their flaws. above all, i failed to have God's vision of compassion and love.
of late, i've been having fears about Joani graduating. i wont have someone to mug with me. someone to leave me post-its telling me to jia you... to tell me to press on. above all, i know her time at home will be shortened because of work. and that would mean less time with one of my best friends and the best sister in the world.
and i've also decided to work my way up to training squad in tennis. may all that i do be glorifying to the Lord. :)
anyways, i really think that God's been so gracious to me. every morning i feel exhausted but he just gives me strength. and i have friends whom i can really talk to. though i find myself being morally stretched more often than not. but i shall still be thankful for those moments i find the bit of real joy, something beyond description.
today during chinese lesson, we were suppose to write about the 3 things that just worry us to bits. and i think out of faith and allowing vulnerability to be at the teacher's palms, i bared my heart and soul in that little assignment. why i did it? i felt like every once in awhile, we need to make other and let others help us to realise we're all human we equal pains, success, joys and hurdles to overcome. sometimes, i think we forget to look around and realise that the world is so full of pain that all the sinful behaviour becomes an outlet. i've come to realise this just the other day. just a few weeks back, i spoke to one of my friends, she told me her parents are divorced. yesterday i spoke to another friend, her parents are also divorced, today i spoke to another friend, her parents are... also divorced. and the link, they're all in my clique. i felt so disappointed in myself. i failed to show them God's love. and all this while, i was too consumed in their flaws. above all, i failed to have God's vision of compassion and love.
of late, i've been having fears about Joani graduating. i wont have someone to mug with me. someone to leave me post-its telling me to jia you... to tell me to press on. above all, i know her time at home will be shortened because of work. and that would mean less time with one of my best friends and the best sister in the world.
and i've also decided to work my way up to training squad in tennis. may all that i do be glorifying to the Lord. :)
posted by gaynedoe @ 5/03/2006 08:54:00 PM
0 comments
Sunday, April 23, 2006
still
okays. i decided to get a new blog. so typical of me. but yes, simple because i decided to leave the past where it should be: behind me. time to stop mopping around and get a grip. the question is, where is the Gayne who used to stand up for herself? where's the Gayne who never liked self-pity? above all, where is the optimistic Gayne? i missed all of those qualities... it was probably what defined me or so i think?
anyways, the last 2 months have been very shaky and a period of uncertainty... but when does life ever feel completely safe and great? being in SRJC has been a mind over body thing for me. i still can't quite fit in. honestly. its like secondary school all over again. i find myself having so much trouble being generous and kind to a bunch of people who are so worldly... i want to be nice... but they really stretch me to the ends. i can't seem to find that joy that used to reside in me during my times in SAJC. i had my fair share of downs, but it seemed so much bearable because no matter where i turned, someone would always smile at me and tell that its okay. though i never really got half the things i learnt, my friends would take time off to explain to me. it has been hard being in SRJC. one month in SRJC and i feel so tired. so pressed and so exhausted. i believe maybe its cuz JC has officially started for me and there's just this pressure to work hard and get my A's. to make matters worse, i'm with a bunch of people whom i cant quite seem to click. i'm just there simply because i need company. but in all honesty, i'd much rather sit alone, yet i cant because well, i'll look super anti... which i am for now.
i went to macritchie for geog field trip yesterday morning. it was exhausting but quite refreshing. i did learn some stuff about the flora and fauna there. not entirely exciting. some stuff jokes were exchanged about vjc and rjc. speaking of which, at the end of our trip, we walked past the canoeing bit... and there were so many schools there. RJC, ACJC, MJC, ACS... blah blah blah. i suddenly felt super sad for myself. i honestly asked if i was any less capable than any of them there. how i would give the world to be in their shoes, and for that very brief afternoon, i was swimming in self-pity. how could i harbour such thoughts?! aren't family, friends and other intangible things more important? anyway, i went back home feeling tried, emotionally and physically. i took a nap and went to do my research for the UN seminar. and it just made me feel so overwhelmed. i just wanted to die at that point because i just felt like my report was incompetent. i just felt like all these things didn't matter anymore. and that was when my moment of self-pity kicked in again. i managed to finish the report anyway, but it left me tired, exhausted and pitiful.
i spoke to michelle later on, and i basically shared with her about being unable to leave the student council. i still have not gotten the green light to leave it yet. i havent turned up for anything, i've been called irresponsible but i still refuse to turn up. tmr is the start of campaigns and i'm supposedly suppose to go up for a speech. i dont know what will happen. but i shall go in faith that i'll be alright. i'll speak to mr tan about leaving, and i know i'll get screamed at. so i'll see how it goes.
i cried myself to sleep last night. was super upset about everything. stressed about school work, stressed about leaving the SC, stressed about UN seminar and i'm still trying to deal with everything. i woke up feeling terrible, but thankfully there wasn't this unwillingness to not want to go to church. :) but do u know what, i think God really spoke to me through today's sermon speaker, Lorain Kon. she had a really good message. the 5 Ps : promise, be positive, people, prayer and press on. what i left from it? God spoke to me by simply telling me not to fret, to give it all to God and just to carpe diem. and i realised i could overcome it. i just felt so at peace with myself. i especially loved worship today... i felt like my life was just taking over me, then they sang STILL. this song will never fail to speak to me, each time, it gives me a little bit more hope, to let me know perhaps all this is worthwhile. maybe i dont need to worry anymore because as Jeremiah 29:11 says ," 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, ' plans to give u hope and a future' .
Here's the lyrics for still:
hide me now
under your wings
cover me
with Your mighty hands
when the oceans rise
and thunders roar
i will soar with you above the storm
father you are king over the storm
i will be still
know you are God
find rest me soul
in christ the Lord
know his power
in quietness and trust
when the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with you above the storm
father you are king over the floods
i will be still know you are God
i still feel scared, but one day and i hope soon, i'll realise all these things in my life are trivial. today in the car on our way to ikea, my sister told that comparatively to my other sec school friends, i'm luckier because i get to at least go to a jc. and i beat the odds. my mum said if my other friends from NA had to be in the environment i was in, they probably wouldnt do as well. and perhaps so. but regardless, i pray i have faith to press on even as things seem scary and worrying. my faith shall be with the Lord.
anyways, the last 2 months have been very shaky and a period of uncertainty... but when does life ever feel completely safe and great? being in SRJC has been a mind over body thing for me. i still can't quite fit in. honestly. its like secondary school all over again. i find myself having so much trouble being generous and kind to a bunch of people who are so worldly... i want to be nice... but they really stretch me to the ends. i can't seem to find that joy that used to reside in me during my times in SAJC. i had my fair share of downs, but it seemed so much bearable because no matter where i turned, someone would always smile at me and tell that its okay. though i never really got half the things i learnt, my friends would take time off to explain to me. it has been hard being in SRJC. one month in SRJC and i feel so tired. so pressed and so exhausted. i believe maybe its cuz JC has officially started for me and there's just this pressure to work hard and get my A's. to make matters worse, i'm with a bunch of people whom i cant quite seem to click. i'm just there simply because i need company. but in all honesty, i'd much rather sit alone, yet i cant because well, i'll look super anti... which i am for now.
i went to macritchie for geog field trip yesterday morning. it was exhausting but quite refreshing. i did learn some stuff about the flora and fauna there. not entirely exciting. some stuff jokes were exchanged about vjc and rjc. speaking of which, at the end of our trip, we walked past the canoeing bit... and there were so many schools there. RJC, ACJC, MJC, ACS... blah blah blah. i suddenly felt super sad for myself. i honestly asked if i was any less capable than any of them there. how i would give the world to be in their shoes, and for that very brief afternoon, i was swimming in self-pity. how could i harbour such thoughts?! aren't family, friends and other intangible things more important? anyway, i went back home feeling tried, emotionally and physically. i took a nap and went to do my research for the UN seminar. and it just made me feel so overwhelmed. i just wanted to die at that point because i just felt like my report was incompetent. i just felt like all these things didn't matter anymore. and that was when my moment of self-pity kicked in again. i managed to finish the report anyway, but it left me tired, exhausted and pitiful.
i spoke to michelle later on, and i basically shared with her about being unable to leave the student council. i still have not gotten the green light to leave it yet. i havent turned up for anything, i've been called irresponsible but i still refuse to turn up. tmr is the start of campaigns and i'm supposedly suppose to go up for a speech. i dont know what will happen. but i shall go in faith that i'll be alright. i'll speak to mr tan about leaving, and i know i'll get screamed at. so i'll see how it goes.
i cried myself to sleep last night. was super upset about everything. stressed about school work, stressed about leaving the SC, stressed about UN seminar and i'm still trying to deal with everything. i woke up feeling terrible, but thankfully there wasn't this unwillingness to not want to go to church. :) but do u know what, i think God really spoke to me through today's sermon speaker, Lorain Kon. she had a really good message. the 5 Ps : promise, be positive, people, prayer and press on. what i left from it? God spoke to me by simply telling me not to fret, to give it all to God and just to carpe diem. and i realised i could overcome it. i just felt so at peace with myself. i especially loved worship today... i felt like my life was just taking over me, then they sang STILL. this song will never fail to speak to me, each time, it gives me a little bit more hope, to let me know perhaps all this is worthwhile. maybe i dont need to worry anymore because as Jeremiah 29:11 says ," 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, ' plans to give u hope and a future' .
Here's the lyrics for still:
hide me now
under your wings
cover me
with Your mighty hands
when the oceans rise
and thunders roar
i will soar with you above the storm
father you are king over the storm
i will be still
know you are God
find rest me soul
in christ the Lord
know his power
in quietness and trust
when the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with you above the storm
father you are king over the floods
i will be still know you are God
i still feel scared, but one day and i hope soon, i'll realise all these things in my life are trivial. today in the car on our way to ikea, my sister told that comparatively to my other sec school friends, i'm luckier because i get to at least go to a jc. and i beat the odds. my mum said if my other friends from NA had to be in the environment i was in, they probably wouldnt do as well. and perhaps so. but regardless, i pray i have faith to press on even as things seem scary and worrying. my faith shall be with the Lord.
posted by gaynedoe @ 4/23/2006 06:49:00 PM
1 comments
